wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

WTF is trying an experiment this week – ridiculous clothes first and then the political rant afterwards. Customer feedback please on the change…

Let us start in India at the GQ Men of the Year with gorgeous actress Sonam Kapoor wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

She appears to be standing in a leopard skin wheelie bin. Which is where this outfit should have ended up. It is all a bit Samuel Beckett with tramps hanging out of refuse receptacles  discussing not much to the bemusement of the audience….

Oh no! WTF loves Kerry Washington but this Prada dress is the real Scandal.

Kelly is great in Scandal but WTF was hitherto unaware that she had been cast in a remake of Little Women. And what is that white belt for? Whatever Prada is up to with these big skirts (think Lena Dunham at the Emmys) they need to stop it.  Now.

The Minge Moment of the week comes courtesy of actress Paula Patton aka Mrs Robin Thicke wearing Rhea Costa at the premiere of her new movie.

Apart from the fact that it is peekaboo and trashy, two qualities which WTF hates, there is something extremely disturbing about that solid patch of lace acting as a minge-mask. It looks like a cod piece, only women do not have cods. It is both confusing and ugly.

The usual suspects were out in force at Paris Fashion Week including WTF favourite Anna dello Russo who, in a rare honour, is being featured twice in one post. First we have Anna in daytime wear, namely a dress, belt and shoes by Celine and a gold-coloured brass “Happy” necklace for which Lanvin have the temerity to charge £746. Which, however you look at it, is taking the piss.

WTF herself is not in the first flush of youth and she is not unsympathetic. Suddenly your soft satiny skin starts to dry up with more folds than a concertina and you have to choose between suicide, a nunnery or rethinking your wardrobe. However Anna has determinedly eschewed all three options in favour of a policy of flauntissmo and whilst her bravado is commendable, her orange kninckles are thus fully exposed. That apart, the outfit is preposterous and made more so by headgear last seen on the Mad Hatter.

And now we have Anna in evening wear, namely a “dress” by WTF bugbear Anthony Vaccarello  and knee-high gold gladiators by Tom Ford. Faint-hearted Readers might want to have some smelling salts to hand.

Knees encircled with gold leather are the sartorial equivalent of a large red arrow pointing at your patella. Meanwhile, WTF has previously expressed her disapprobation for Vaccarello, a man incapable of designing any dress without putting onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment and Anna’s dress certainly does that. We neither want nor need to see what is on display. And the side view is worse..

It is all so terribly, terribly terrible. Is that a scar? A crinkle?  Anna, love – please put it away!

Here is an unusual suspect, French celebritee Nabilla Benattia at Jean-Paul Gaultier.

If she keeps standing like that, she will do herself  no end of damage although she is standing like that so we can all look at her underboob winking at us. The top, if such it may be called and the leather genitalia curtains would not look out of place in Pigalle….

Here is another unusual suspect, billionaire James Goldstein who made a shedload of money  in something or other and now spends his time either at NFA games or major fashion shows. Here he is wearing who knows what…

Paul Hogan meets Ozzie Osbourne on Brokeback Mountain. A silver crocodile leather bomber jacket. A Crocodile Dundee hat. Ripped drainpipe jeans with chains tucked into biker boots. Accessorised with a titsy blonde. Just go away….

WTF is in a lather of indignation at this next one. Here is Kim Kardashian wearing Givenchy with the designer of the dress in question, Riccardo Tisci.

Yes she has recently had a baby  and yes she has an hourglass figure  but that the problem is that this shapeless dress looks as if Riccardo has taken the scissors to a nun’s habit and  it is also entirely the wrong dress for a woman with boobs, although Kim’s look more plastic than the contents of the Lakeland warehouse. The “my-minge-is-this-way” triangular cut-outs are unspeakable,- her daughter may be North but Kim is intent on showing us what lies South.

And now for the politics. Those of you who were just here for the pictures can stop reading and come back next Friday….

The Conservative Party Conference was deeply dull with Call Me Dave making a poor speech, the gist of which appeared  to be that it is all going to be awfully tough but the Tories can handle it and everyone else would be worse and the economy is turning the corner  and the Government is creating a land of opportunity. If you are a job seeker you will have to spend hours in a job centre every day looking for jobs that aren’t there. If you are under 25, you will either have to stay in education although you cannot afford to or find an apprenticeship that isn’t there or get one of the jobs that aren’t there. If you are out of work and under 25, you will also get no housing benefit, even if you cannot live with your parents, always assuming that (i) you have them  and (ii) they want you and (iii) you want them.

The real story of the week was the Daily Mail’s shameful attack on Ralph Miliband, late father of Ed. A Marxist refugee fleeing from the Nazis, he settled here aged 16 and enlisted in the Navy to fight Hitler.  To the Mail,  he was “the man who hated Britain”.  Ed demanded and got a right of reply only for the Mail to repeat the allegations all over again and publish an editorial in purported justification of the original attack. This took issue with Ed for daring to object to the original piece and accused him of trying to destroy press freedom and consorting with Hacked Off.  Is this why brave British servicemen fought and died for freedom? Oh, hang on…  Despite brickbats from all directions (when David Cameron, Michael Heseltine, Alan Sugar, Nick Clegg and Alastair Campbell all agree that you are in the wrong, you probably are) the Mail refused to back down. Paul Dacre never appears in public so he sent his hapless Deputy Editor Jon Steafel off to Newsnight to defend the article, only to be savaged by Alastair Campbell like a Rottweiler snacking on a mouse.  The Mail on Sunday then sent reporters to gate-crash the memorial service for Professor Harry Keen, a man who happened to be married to Ed’s aunt. Ed fired off a letter of complaint to Lord Rothermere (who loves this country so much that he lives abroad to avoid tax). The MoS  then apologised but Dacre is still holding firm and has probably despatched someone to Highgate Cemetery to disinter Ralph and see if he had a hammer and sickle buried in his coffin.

The game-plan is obvious. Ralph was (i) a refugee (ii) a Jew (iii) an intellectual and (iv) a Commie and so is clearly to be deemed un-British. It follows that because Ed is (i) a Jew and (ii) a leftie and (iii) the son of his father, he too must be deemed un-British. Mail reader Kate from Nottingham commented that as a Jew with a right to “return” to Israel, Ed has split loyalties and therefore cannot be trusted. Whether she meant that kiddies would be made to sing Hava Negila in assembly or that Britain would become East Germany under Erich Hoenicker was unclear. The Mail denies any smack of anti-semitism and points out that the original article was written by a Jew, a defence along the lines of “some of my best friends are Jews”.  As if that makes a difference when everyone knows that Dacre calls the shots.

WTF is Jewish and the child of Jewish immigrants. My paternal grandparents and 2 of my uncles came here in 1908 to escape the pogroms in Poland albeit that my father and another uncle were born here. My mother and grandmother fled Romania in 1940 after the Iron Guard started killing Jews (my mother found a friend of hers decapitated in the street).  WTF looks and sounds English but Jews, Muslims, Hindus, all ethnic and religious minorities, all of us who cannot trace our ancestors back 15 generations to some leafy corner of the Shires, will know from personal experience that some people will never accept us as British even if we were born here. The snide comments, the references to “you people”, the racial stereotyping, the comments made because people do not know that you are Jewish…. When the Mail  starts insinuating  that Jews are an insidious presence in British life,  that they are un-British and untrustworthy, it is as unnerving as it is insulting,  just as it is for Muslims and people of colour and gays and lefties and republicans and anyone else who does not conform to  Paul Dacre’s messianic vision of a Victorian, White, Christian, Anglo-Saxon, Monarchist, Tory-voting Britain, the values of whose indigenous people are being undermined by all those other people who aren’t them. And unless we fight back against it and expose it, it won’t stop. So  Ed, I salute you. Go stick it to them……