wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear wtffashionshark….. Exactly one year ago, WTF’s little fashion email to her friends and relations and their friends and relations turned into a proper, or more accurately an improper, blog and 40,000 hits later, here we are. What started as a bilious attack on silly celebritee fashion has become an even more bilious attack on silly celebritee fashion, celebritee generally and a political rant to kick the whole thing off. It’s eclectic but it seems to be popular with you lot and you lot are very popular with me. Long may we continue together and don’t forget that you can get daily doses on @WTF_EEK. Particular thanks to my lovely friends Rebecca Jay, who urged me to start the blog and designed the site and Yvonne Ridley for her endless support on Twitter. Bless you both. 

This week there are local elections and Call Me Dave is quaking  in his Lobbs because of the ineffable rise of UKIP, the UK Independence Party. UKIP has only one policy which is to get out of Europe, but it has come to be synonymous with  anti-immigration unrest. Headed by ghastly buffoon Nigel Farage, who exudes the cheery bonhomie of your neighbourhood bookie, UKIP has been giving the Tories a run for their money. But over the past few weeks it has emerged that some UKIP  candidates more properly belong in the Chambers of Horrors at Mme Tussauds than in public office. Councillor John Sullivan from Gloucestershire asserted that physical exercise at school can prevent homosexuality. Godfrey Bloom MEP told a radio station “draconian” employment legislation meant that  it was a problem to hire women of childbearing age and he “would think very carefully about the age of that woman because she has to turn up at 9 o’clock every morning. It’s not rocket science is it?”. Then there is Chris Scotton who was binned as a candidate in Leicester at the weekend after it emerged that he had backed online groups with racist views and Sue Bowen from Cornwall who was chucked out when it emerged that she had been a member of the BNP. And then there is Anna-Marie Crampton who was suspended after her interesting assertion that the Jews staged the Holocaust in order to create a Zionist state. She says she was hacked too. These UKIP members don’t have much luck,  do they? Maybe they should all stay off Facebook.

Farage admits there are a couple of “bizarre cases” but insists that his party forbids members of the Far Right and turns away people who are “very, very odd”. In which case WTF can only wonder how odd you have to be to get turned away from UKIP. The party is clearly attracting not just fruitcakes  but homophobes and extremists with some seriously nasty views because it panders to inherent fears and prejudices in a time of financial hardships and uncertainties. Whilst Farage airily asserts that there is no racism in his party, he insults both our intelligence and our principles, not least when he claims that scrutiny of his candidates “will harm real democracy”. Meanwhile, no wonder that UKIP want to get out of Europe – all those pesky Directives forbidding discrimination on the grounds of race, sex, sexual orientation, disability, religion and belief. And then there is the European Court of Human Rights – Brits being lectured by Strasbourg and told that freedom of religion and the rights to privacy and family life and free speech should be respected! How very dare they? Is this why we fought World War 2? (Answer – yes).

Let us now pass to the fashion disasters of the week, starting with Welsh songbird Charlotte Church.

No, WTF doesn’t know what the hell is going on here either. Charlotte has been bigger and then smaller and then bigger and then smaller but unless you have a body like Karlie Kloss  you simply cannot get away with an outfit which is a cross between Princess Leia and an Oscar force-fed with pies. And what on earth is going on in the foot department? Ridiculous. And I am being kind.

I wasn’t going to bother with mega-Bimbo Helen Flanagan, but she’s just been voted the FHM Sexiest Woman in the UK. I mean, for fuck’s sake…..

Sexy? Really? Titsy, certainly. And, by the look of it, at least they are her own. But sexy? Helen is not a slapper but how sad that she feels that she has to dress like a slapper in order to make a living. And a gormless slapper at that. The dress is cheap-looking, ill-fitting and slit to the armpits and the Croydon facelift  ponytail is unspeakable. How depressing that some men think this is sexy….

Here is Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas at the Billboard Latino Music Awards.

Taboo (né Jaime Luis Gomez) is a good-looking boy but here he looks like a twat and what is more he has clearly been on the scrounge for this get-up. The trousers are on loan from Justin Bieber whilst the raggedy-hem  jacket is courtesy of the wardrobe department for Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet (great film by the way and an even better soundtrack). As for the boots and Mr Toad goggles, they are beyond all comprehension.

Here is another in our series of Designers Who Need to See A Doctor featuring Betsey Johnson.

Oh dear….WTF is not saying that a woman of 70 should have to dress like Hyacinth Bucket but this is way, way past the other extreme.  The top looks like a toddler’s party skirt and also exposes a great deal of sun-damaged décolletage and the trousers, complete with pink bow, would be OTT on an ultra-camp Robinson Crusoe. The booties bear no relationship to the rest of the outfit. It’s terrible.

This is Patricia Arquette wearing new designer Wes Gordon at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

The Dinner is basically a mutual wankfest in which  journalists, designers and actors various (why are designers and actors even there?) first congratulate each other on being invited and then laugh sycophantically at the funny turn performed by the serving President. Anyway, WTF had to look twice at this picture before realising that it was not a demented Glenn Close fresh from a spot of bunny boiling. Patricia once starred in Nightmare on Elm Street and this dress is definitely a shocker. Her breasts are positively straining in their bid to escape from the bodice and the skirt looks as if a convention of moths has got busy on the frills. It is very event-inappropriate. Oh, and note to Patricia – next time you are asked out, brush your hair before leaving the house.

Also there for some reason was starlet Hayden Panettiere wearing Katherine Kidd.

Apart from everything else wrong with this dress, it is even more event-inappropriate than Patricia’s. There is too much tit and not enough side and WTF really hates the Hello-I’m-Heidi  hairstyle. However, what is really wrong here is what is also really wrong with  Courtney Stodden, pictured next – that creepy, I’m-a-sweet-little-girl-flashing-my-bits, peek-a-boo Lolita stuff. It just makes your skin crawl.

Here, cluttering up a perfectly good London pavement, are the above-mentioned Courtney, 18, and her husband Doug Hutchison, who will turn 53 at the end of the month.

Readers interested in learning  more about Courtney can revisit WTF’s previous post on the subject but this is the first time that we have seen Doug on these pages. Clad in baseball cap, flip-flops, a scruffy tee-shirt and crumpled shorts like Stormin’ Norman’s cast-offs from  Operation Desert Storm, Doug looks like a slob.  As for Mrs Hutchison, this simpering Barbie exists for no other purpose than to expose her bits to a stunned and disbelieving public. Her leopard-skin pussy pelmet (WTF will not dignify it as a dress because it is so NOT a dress) does not even cover her arse. As friend and WTF aficionado Sian remarked, “That is not even clothes!”. Given that Courtney professes to be a devout Christian, you may also find the following picture somewhat surprising…..

There may be a bit in the Bible which says that it is OK to flash your arse in a public thoroughfare but WTF must have missed it.  Be that howsoever it may be, WTF has some understanding of public order offences and these two are a pair of walking public order offences. One final thought – the happy couple went on to exclusive eatery The Ivy where they proceeded to have lunch.  WTF was having a drink at the bar there one summer when a man and wife were turned away from their wedding anniversary dinner because he was wearing a perfectly nice pair of clean, ironed shorts. Yet this week innocent punters munching on their salmon fish cakes had to  put up with this gruesome twosome. Mind you, such was their degree of shock that they probably needed a St Bernard doing the rounds with the brandy bottle….

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep the comments coming and we shall meet again next Friday. Be good. x