WTF Flashing for Malala Special

Hallo Readers, Malala Yousafzai is 14 years old and lives in a town called Mingora in the Swat district of Pakistan. In about 2009 Malala started blogging for the BBC about life under the local Taliban and her desire that girls should be allowed to go to school and get an education. She has continued to  blog and speak  out about this ever since, becoming famous both in Pakistan and around the World. On 9 October, the Taliban shot her in the head and neck, leaving her seriously wounded and she is now being treated in the UK where happily she is on the road to recovery. There has been universal outrage at what happened to the great disgust of the Taliban which has condemned the hostile coverage. But hell – outrage isn’t proper outrage unless it’s Madonna outrage. Just condemning the Taliban of course isn’t newsworthy. No one in the States supports the Taliban other than Congressman (formerly Sgt.) Brodie off Homeland.  And even he is starting to have second thoughts. So during her recent concert in LA, Madonna chose to dedicate her standard striptease to Malala and her brave fight for female education, flashing her bra and thonged arse and showing a faux-tattoo on her back with Malala’s name. WTF is struggling to see how mooning in fishnets could be even remotely appropriate to the attempted assassination of a 14 year old Muslim girl accused of  secularism and opposing the Taliban but Madge’s brain is wired in such a way that  (i) she has to be centre stage in any story and (ii) she has to flash her bits. In fact, this is her default setting. Downtrodden Turkish women? Flash your nipple. Catholic Church and bigotry? Flash your other nipple. 14 year old shot by the Taliban? Flash your arse. It’s like Pavlov’s bloody dog. The woman is an egotist and an exhibitionist. End of. But then WTF has always had a problem with celebrity do-gooders, Bob Geldof being an honourable exception. The nadir was the appointment of Geri Halliwell as a UNICEF Ambassador. Geri Halliwell! If she had a thought it would die of loneliness. And there is Bono, constantly exhorting Governments and public alike to dig deep into their pockets and save the starving. This is the same Bono who once spent £1,000 to fly his favourite hat out to Italy.  First Class. Yes, the hat turned left on the plane. Anyway what can Madge’s fellow A listers do to match her big gesture and express solidarity with Malala? WTF suggests that Ozzy Osbourne should come out of retirement to bite the head off a dove whilst simultaneously showing his manhood. If that doesn’t get the Taliban on its knees weeping with remorse, nothing will…… We pass onto serial offender Katy Perry. She had stopped all this flesh-flashing nonsense, but it seems she has started it up again and it isn’t any better the second time around.

This is just completely putrid. It is telling that WTF’s best endeavours have failed to identify the designer of this horror who has probably changed his/her name by deedpoll and is having plastic surgery as we speak. In some sort of homage to Woodstock, Katy is wearing olive green netting with a horrible frilled hem over a black body/swimsuit. For reasons which WTF could not explain if she tried, Katy has added bootees and white socks like an Australian bushwalker and a black floppy hat borrowed from Paddington Bear. WTF was reading an article just the other day about the Paddington look, namely duffle coats which were said to be THE new coat of the season. It didn’t say anything about mouldy green lace 1970’s throwback dresses and bushwalker boots but maybe space was at a premium. Or something. And so to our Z Lister of the Week, Chantelle Houghton, the quintessence of pointless, talentless celebrity. Once a Paris Hilton lookalike, Chantelle first came to fame on Celebrity Big Brother as a non-celebrity posing as a celebrity and won with 56% of the vote. WTF is reminded of the wonderful Woody Allen sketch about a moose which ended up with Woody at a fancy dress party and came in second to a couple dressed as a moose. “The moose is furious. He and the Berkowitzes lock antlers in the living room.” Chantelle then married fellow contestant and no-hoper Preston, had her boobs enlarged and was divorced within a year. Other celebrity relationships were played out for public consumption before she took up last year with cagefighter Alex Reid, former husband of Katie Price (aka Jordan) and habitual cross-dresser (his alter ego is called Roxanne). Alex and Chantelle have just had a baby girl but they split up almost immediately. Every time Alex popped over to collect his belongings or Chantelle went house-hunting, the photographers were there.  Both of them are now engaged in slagging off the other in the press, doubtless for a fat fee and another gulp of the oxygen of publicity. No day passes without the Mail Online featuring a lacrymose, pram-pushing Chantelle wearing these revolting cameltoe jeggings and vile leopardskin bootees, peroxide hair extensions in disarray and displaying the practiced, tragic expression last seen on Ophelia as she headed off to end it all in the brook. Just go away. And take Alex with you. Here we have one of the faces of Estée Lauder, Constance Jablonski, at the Mario Testino Exhibition in Boston on Wednesday night. WTF is going to go out on a limb here and suggest that Constance is probably not a big eater, which is just as well as she is wearing a dress constructed from a scarf. She is very pale, has the startled expression of a rabbit caught in paparazzi flashlights and looks like a vampire’s assistant. It must be acknowledged that her shoes are fab, but WTF must reluctantly conclude that the whole look would have been better had there been more dress or more Constance or both. This week’s edition of The Emperor’s New Clothes features two women wearing utter ghastliness. First up, Miley Cyrus in an Antony Vaccarello top and Moschino skirt. Yes, she’s cute and yes she’s 20 years old and yes we know she has lost loads of weight, but this outfit is just plain silly. Regular readers will know that WTF nutures a daily desire to give Vaccarello a slap and this Hello-I’m-Kinky-Me bralet isn’t persuading her othewise. Apart from anything else, it looks like Batman’s mask and it doesn’t fit. In fact, the whole effect of the bralet and the Moschino creased skirt is of a boyish trans-gender Batman flying above Gotham City in silk slippers. As a look of choice it has the advantage of novelty but the drawback of being plain weird. And then we have Glee’s Lea Michele at this week’s Elle Women in Hollywood gala wearing Zimmerman. All together now…….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lea is the new face of L’Oréal. She looks like she’s been dipped in stewed tea. Would you buy L’Oréal makeup based upon this picture? No you would not unless you wanted to go to Woody Allen’s fancy dress party as a demented showgirl stuck in railings. Questions also have to be asked about the wide-legged stance. The only good things here are the sandals and the teeth. Just. Very. Bad. OK Readers, over to you. What do you think about this week’s horror parade? Hit the comment button…..

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10 Responses to WTF Flashing for Malala Special

  1. Anna says:

    Genius. WTF, you have surpassed yourself.

  2. Anna says:

    This was meant to refer specifically to the Geri Halliwell comment, but my quotey things didn’t work, and the whole thing is genius anyway….

  3. Debbie says:

    where to start? Madonna – great body but she is past 50 NO-ONE WANTS TO SEE IT!!! put it away!! Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus just yuk, and Lea Michele has a great voice – which sadly you cannot hear, and as they say, she has a great face for radio. good job I had digested my Special K this morning before I saw this week’s utterly excellent issue

  4. Jan says:

    Unfair to Australian Bushwalkers !

  5. Andrew Purcell says:

    Madonna dropping her pants onstage clearly demonstrates her moral superiority to the Taliban.
    I realize that your primary focus is fashion and people who haven’t learned how to dress themselves, but this is also one of the best commentaries on Malala Yousafzai, bigotry, and celebrity that I have read.

  6. Sal says:

    Just seen Chantelle’s jacket on tube advert by Lana Del Ray- £24.99 at H&M. Cheap clothes, cheap…………

  7. Pingback: WTF Colourful Special | wtffashionshark

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