wtffashionshark

 WTF  is not going to lie to you. This is bad. Brace yourselves.

The world of full of mysteries. Why is Madonna still prancing around in her scanties? Why are people paying to see her? How did Bayern Munich manage to screw up the Champions’ League Final? And here’s another one. Why are these women dressed like this?

Let us start with Miley Cyrus.

Sorry to be picky, but shouldn’t there be some more outfit? Like a bra? And some trousers? Good shoes though.

Here we have Jada Pinkett-Smith, for whom WTF has a dislike.

WTF is getting so bored of women flaunting their tits. In Jada’s defence, at least these seem to be her own tits and not industrial-strength silicone, but whether or not they are au naturel, they need to be put away, particularly with such a bony chest.  Why would anyone think this looks good? The whole thing is very Matrix and not in a good way. Three words – Trying. Too. Hard.

This is nauseating. Here is Natasha Bedingfield.

There is ethereal and then there is the Smoke Monster from Lost. Except that this is way past the Smoke Monster, then turn left and keep on going. And it seems that the Smoke Monster has had a fight to the death with the Diamanté Mould Monster, and, by the look of those groin garlands around Natasha’s hips, the Smoke Monster won. Meanwhile, WTF hasn’t seen Diamanté Moulded (see what I did there?) shoulders like that since Joan Collins went wig to wig with Stefanie Beacham in Dynasty.

Here is Estonian songstress, Kerli, self-styled embodiment of “Bubblegoth“.

Is this why the Soviet Bloc collapsed? So that Comrades would be free to dress as the Sugar Plum Fairy transported to Fairyland’s Red Light District and imprisoned on 2 blocks of raspberry ripple?  Come back Stalin, all is forgiven.

And now please be upstanding for The Queen of Swaziland on her way to lunch with the Queen (ours) to mark the Diamanté Jubilee.

We all know that when you have a wedding or other family event, there are the cousins  whom you have to invite because your mother insists on it, even though she can’t stand them either. Which is how King Mswati 111 and Queen LaMbikiza got to feast on Windsor Roast Lamb and Vanilla Charlotte at Buckingham Palace. WTF hopes that she will not be contradicted in observing that these two should never have got past Border Control.   He is the last Absolute Monarch in Africa and has been the King since he was 14 years old. He rules Swaziland with his mum, known as the Indlovukazi, which translates as The Great She-Elephant. Msawti was one of 203 children and his father had 70 wives, so perhaps we should congratulate him on his modesty in restricting himself to 13 wives and a mere 23 children. However, modesty is not otherwise a hallmark of Mswati’s reign. Although many of his subjects are starving and living on less than US$1 a day,  he wallows in luxury, as demonstrated by his booking an entourage of 30 into the Savoy for this visit, a fleet of cars including one which costs £500,000 and umpteen palaces to house the harem.  Wife number 3 (his favourite by all accounts)  is also not one for doing things by halves. She turned up for lunch in an ensemble clearly inspired by the Pearly Kings and Queens in Mary Poppins, enlivened with Marabou feathers, pink pom poms and, as you do for a lunch party, a diamanté clutch. The price of her watch alone could probably feed the starving citizens of Swaziland for about a month.